This Sunday is Mother's Day. I no longer have a mother living but I still have a mother-in-law. I will write memories about my own mother some other time, but for this piece I thought I would share a few things that I appreciate and love about my mother-in-law.
- Her energy. When I first met my mother-in-law she had jet-black hair and more energy than the energizer bunny. Soon after Steve and I got married, we were putting an addition onto our mobile home. Steve's parents came to help us. I thought this meant that Steve and Dad would do the building part and Mom and I would putter around with this and that and maybe hand nails to the men and do a little painting. Oh no. Mom arrived in an old dress and came prepared with her own hammer, putty knife, paintbrush, etc and was ready to work. She hammered, spackled, dry walled and painted! I was amazed, in awe, and exhausted just trying to keep up. Over the years I learned that when Mom came I should be prepared with something for her to do. She was happiest when she could weed my garden or flowerbeds, mulch, sew, bake or cook, paint or do any other odd job that I had for her. It got to the point where I would save stuff for her to do because I knew that she enjoyed it so much. It was wonderful for me too, because it was usually things that I just hadn't gotten around to doing.
- Her generosity. Mom is one of the most generous persons I know. It was rare for her to come for a visit that she didn't bring something along to give to me and/or the family. Often it was produce from her garden (which she loves) but sometimes it was clothes, food, or whatever else she had picked up at a garage sale or bargain shop that she thought we would appreciate. She was also generous with her time. For many years she babysat for me once a week while I worked part-time as a secretary in a lawyer's office in the city. We would meet at the Lancaster Shopping Center early in the morning and I would transfer the children to her and then in the evening we would meet again, for me to take the children home. Of course, she never charged anything for babysitting and I was grateful that my kids could be with grandparents and not at a daycare while I worked.
- Her nonjudgmental attitude. One of the things I most appreciate about Mom is that I never felt that she judged me or anyone else harshly. I don't remember her ever criticizing me and I always felt accepted and loved by her. Although Steve and I were not as conservative as she and Dad and other members of the family she never once made me feel uncomfortable about it. When the children were small, she would pick up clothes at garage sales for them. When Megan was born I was impressed that she selected little girl outfits for her that weren't dresses but ones she thought I would wear on Megan. This showed me that she respected the way Steve and I chose to live our lives and raise our children even though it wasn't the way she probably would have chosen. I also remember her reaching out to a woman who had left her husband for another man by inviting her to lunch and asking a mother about her grandchild that her unmarried daughter had given birth to. The mother was so appreciative of her asking because she said most people chose to ignore that she had a grandchild and never asked about him.
Now, Mom's hair is completely white. She walks slowly and tires easily. She has had some health issues and can no longer do some of the things that she once did so easily. Aging can be a very cruel process but it is something everyone who lives to an old age goes through. It is the way people handle it that stands out to me. Mom has accepted it with grace. I know it is hard for her and she is willing to go to doctors and try to find out if there is something that can be done to improve her balance and energy but at the same time I see a quiet acceptance of her situation. She is aware of what she can and cannot do and continues to look for ways that she can help others. I know she makes meals for people who are going through difficulties or had a new baby and she even babysits occasionally for her great-grandchildren (now that requires some energy!). She still tends her beloved garden and shares the bounty of it with family and friends. In many ways, I actually see her and Dad enjoying this season of their lives and I pray that they will continue to be able to live independently for many more years.
I am blessed to be able to call this special woman my mother-in-law.
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