Little Ben

Recently on my Facebook wall there have been a number of friends who have shared a link to a blog written by a mother whose 4 year old son, Ben, is dying of a brain tumor. Losing a child has to be the most difficult, heart wrenching, emotional circumstance that a parent would ever have to endure. I simply cannot imagine what these parents are going through. Just reading her blog brings tears to my eyes. Here is the link.

 

The mother, Mindy, shares from her heart and it is special that she is allowing many others to ride along with her on this journey. I'm sure that writing is therapeutic to Mindy and I know that she receives encouragement from many who are supporting her and her husband through this, but what constantly comes through in her writing is her steadfast trust in God. Even if God takes Ben from them, she refuses to be bitter and her trust in God is unwavering. Would I be able to be as strong as her, when going through this dark valley of death? I'm not sure.

 

I only know a handful of people who have lost a small child. Thirty years ago, I had a close friend who had a stillborn little girl and I had several friends that had miscarriages but that is about the extent of my personal experience. My parents actually had a 2-month old baby boy die of pneumonia. His name was Paul and he was born in December of 1950. Mother never talked about it much but apparently Paul had a cold and fever and when they called the doctor on a Saturday, he told them that he thought it would be all right for them to wait to bring him in until Monday (they switched doctors after Paul's death). If I have my story right, my parents were up with him most of the night and his fever continued to spike. Sometime Sunday morning while my mother was holding him, he had a seizure and died in her arms. The one fear that Mother carried with her the rest of her life was that of a high fever. I remember that if I said I didn't feel good, it wasn't that big a deal, but the minute I got a fever, mother was anxious and worried and would constantly check it and if it got over 102 we were on our way to the doctor. Paul would have been 10 years older than me and I have often wondered what his personality would have been like and how the dynamics of my family would be different if he had not died as an infant.

 

Meanwhile, I have learned to love the Sauer family--Mindy and her husband Andy, little Ben and his twin brother Jack and younger sister Megan. My heart aches when I see the beautiful pictures and I read the words that Mindy writes. Ben is so precious and such a joy to this family. It seems unfathomable that this darling little boy will be taken from this wonderful family and I am praying along with many others for a miracle.