This season can often consume us with a multitude of activities--buying and decorating the Christmas tree, Christmas shopping, Christmas presents, Christmas pageants, Advent, cookie baking. etc. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it all and wish for "normalcy" in my life.
However, after reading Kara's blog, I have decided to enjoy these normal, seasonal activities that can at times make me cranky. Kara is dying of cancer. She is mourning the loss of not being able to do the normal Christmas activities with her family and at times finds herself jealous of those of us who can. She writes:
So, last night...I was in agony. I was weeping hot and angry tears over the pain. And all I kept saying over and over- is “I’m so jealous of normal people.” I just want to be kissing my kids goodnight and sitting down for a glass of something and adult conversation next to my man- not calling the hospital and debating if I need to go there to spare the kids from hearing my agony. I want a bad hair day, to worry over a spelling test, or upcoming lines in a play coming out smoothly for my brave young lady that has taken on drama with a stutter. I’m so proud. So proud of her. I want to go to a thrift store and buy old wool sweaters and make ugly stuffed animals with my kids and bake over Christmas break. I do not want to be back in radiation battling to kill what is killing me…. or hurting me. I want to be decorating my house for Christmas.
She goes on to say:
I’m going to open my Bible, and I’m going to hunt down the grace, the peace, the source of what living- true living really is. It’s not the absence of this pain, it’s not the presence of normal. It’s the ability and strength that I covet so desperately. It’s Jesus. He is who I need. But I also know He’s not disappointed in my wrestling, weary heart this morning. He will show me, once again, that he is enough. Maybe I can’t run to the store and Christmas shop or decorate, but after I search out peace...I plan to find a few treats for my people for Christmas. That feels almost normal. And tonight as a family- we can read scripture, and as a family we are going to curl up in my bed and pick a Compassion Child to support together. Oh- I feel the peace coming just making this plan. A moment not focused on me- glory. I feel a contented face coming right now- thank you Jesus.
Wow! I don't think there is much more I can add to that. I am just going to be grateful that I can physically do those "normal" things that Kara wishes she could do. I don't have to worry about whether my house is as beautifully decorated as my friend's or whether my cookies taste as good as another lady's at church, or whether I can buy the perfect gifts for my family. Christmas is about so much more. It is about life and life is beautiful. I want to embrace every day that God gives me and be thankful that God chose to send his son to earth as a baby so that I can have life, not only on this earth but also for eternity.
My prayers are with Kara and her family as she continues her struggle. As hard and as difficult as her journey is, her strength, courage, and faith are such an inspiration to many. It has helped me to put into perspective the things in my life that are really important and to count each day as a blessing from God.
PS - The sign is a Christmas gift to myself that I purchased from a friend who makes them. I LOVE it! Life is indeed beautiful. Let's be thankful for it.
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