An Amish Wedding

About three weeks ago, I got a phone call from our Amish neighbor, Ruth. Their daughter, Linda, was getting married on November 11 and she was calling to invite Steve and me to the wedding. She told me that this was the only invite we would get. There would be no invitations sent through the mail. Her phone call to me was the official invite. I told her that we would love to attend Linda and Joe's wedding and thanked her for inviting us.

We have been neighbors with John and Ruth for about fifteen years and had actually at one time rented their barn from them when we experimented with cows for several years. It was during that time that we got to know the family fairly well, and we had invited them to Shawn and Jay's weddings and they had attended. Once we sold the cows, we didn't see them nearly as often and it has only been in the last several years that we have interacted with each other again. Their son, David has helped Steve with some odd jobs around the place and John borrows Steve's skid loader occasionally. We thought there might be a possibility that we would get invited, but we were still pleasantly surprised by the phone call.

It was with some trepidation that we arrived at the wedding a little before 10:00 am. I honestly expected to be pretty bored during the service as I knew everything would be spoken in a combination of German and Pennsylvania Dutch but was still curious to see just how an Amish wedding unfolds. As we walked up to the building where the wedding was being held (it was in an unattached garage with a large open room upstairs and housing for horses below) we were greeted by an Amish gentleman who told us to follow him. He escorted us up the steps and directed us to the very back row. There was another English couple sitting there and we slid in beside them and sat on the wooden chairs with high backs. Right away I noticed that we were the only ones that were seated on chairs. Everyone else sat on plain hard benches with no backs.

The wedding actually started at 8:00 in the morning but Ruth had told me that they suggest their English friends come at 10:00 so we don't have to sit as long through a German service that we really can't understand. As we sat down I did a quick survey of the room. It was shaped like an L. On the straight up and down line of the L, the bride and groom sat in the middle. It was hard to see who was seated directly beside them, but I believe it might have been their parents on either side. Behind them were benches of men. Facing them were benches of women. We were seated off to the side. Directly in front of us was a bench of men who we later were told were uncles. In front of them and up to where it met the main line of the L were more benches filled with women. Steve and I estimated that there were between 350 and 400 people there. All were Amish except for 9 of us English.

I expected the service to be quiet and boring. And while the preacher's voice droning on and on in German was very monotonous, I was surprised at how much activity there was before us. Women were constantly moving around, taking babies to the baby room or just walking out and coming back in. The men didn't move around as much but occasionally one would walk out or in as well, always putting his black hat on his head when leaving and taking it off again when returning. People didn't appear to really be listening to the sermon. There was never any nod or smile or frown in acknowledgment to anything that was said. There was even some whispering going on which I really hadn't expected.

We had been sitting about 35 minutes when suddenly one of the woman two rows in front of us looked out the window and gasped. She turned around to the row of men in front of us and whispered something to one of them, pointing out the window. He immediately looked out the window, grabbed his black hat from underneath the bench, jammed it on his head and headed for the door. All of the men in the row followed suit, donning their black hats as they hurried outside. As we looked out the window, we saw a horse running past. Several horses had escaped and the men were on a mission to capture them. After about five minutes and apparently having successfully corralled the horses, the row of men filed back in, taking their black hats off their head and setting them beneath the bench again.

Finally, at about 11:00 the bride and groom stood up in front of the preacher and we assume the vows were said. We really couldn't hear and of course it was in Dutch or German anyway. They sat down again, and several more people talked, including John. Suddenly everyone stood up and turned around to kneel to pray. We quickly knelt also. After kneeling for about ten minutes, people started to stand up. We did too and did the normal thing of turning around toward the front. Wrong! Everyone was looking at us! They all stood up but stayed facing the back. We immediately turned around again feeling a little foolish. After standing like this for several more minutes while a man talked or prayed, people turned around and sat down and we gratefully sank into our chairs once again.

 

I thought perhaps the service was over but then a man began singing. He sang six or seven notes on his own and then the rest of the people joined in. I don't know how to describe the singing. It wasn't four part harmony, but more of a singsong in unison. Some of the people held songbooks and sang from them and some sang from memory. At the end of each verse or perhaps it was the end of each song, there would be a pause and then the song leader would sing by himself again his few notes and soon the people would join in again. The singing lasted for about five minutes. The last notes were still in the air when people everywhere stood up and began collapsing the benches that they had been sitting on. Seemingly at the same time, people began to file out. The men went out a far door and the women all came past us. I did not see the bride and groom or their attendants.

 

As I said before, there were nine of us English in attendance at the wedding. The same gentleman that had directed us to our seat, returned and told us to follow him to the kitchen where we would be fed lunch (they call it dinner). We were definitely being treated like royalty! In the kitchen was a large table, set with eighteen place settings. The nine of us sat down and nine Amish folks filled out the table. I was seated beside an Amish man and he said the men at the table were uncles of Joe and the women were aunts of Linda. He was delighted to have been chosen to eat first as he often has to wait a long time at weddings to be fed. While we were eating in the kitchen, the room where the wedding had been held, was being set up with tables where most of the other people would be fed. They also set up a separate table for the bride and groom. There were so many people that they would still need to eat in shifts and I am not sure how people were selected or told when it was their turn to eat.

 

 Meanwhile, we were chatting with the folks seated around us at the table and watching the activity in the kitchen. A lot of young girls had also come into the kitchen and were just standing around talking among themselves. It felt a little like we were being watched but I don't think that was really the case. It was just a place for them to congregate until they were called to eat. A hush fell over the crowd and the man beside me said in a quiet voice, "we are going to have silent prayer." We bowed our heads and prayed for what seemed a long time. No one ever said "amen" but when I sensed the man beside me stirring, I figured the prayer was over and opened my eyes. Immediately the servers began passing food down the table. The menu was: rolls, Amish stuffing (stuffing and chicken mixed together) mashed potatoes, gravy, coleslaw and creamed celery. I had heard that celery is always served at an Amish wedding so was excited to taste some. It was delicious! The celery was in bite size pieces and was soft and tender. It was in a cream sauce that was actually kind of sweet. An Amish lady at the table said they often use condensed sweetened milk in it. I will never again wrinkle my nose when I hear that celery is served at Amish weddings. I had a generous second helping--yum!

 

We had barely started eating when there was a flurry of activity at the kitchen door. As we looked up, the attendants and the bride and groom entered the kitchen and walked past us and went upstairs. Linda looked at us and smiled shyly. This was the first we had seen Linda and Joe close up. Linda and her attendants were wearing purple dresses covered with a white apron or pinafore. They were the only women I saw at the wedding that had any white on. Joe and his attendants were wearing what all the other men at the wedding were--a white shirt, black vest and black suit. What was interesting was that all three couples were holding hands! The attendants were Linda's younger sister and brother and each had a partner that we did not know. I'm sure that they are not dating and yet they held hands. I later read that it is a tradition for Amish young folks to be paired with a partner at weddings and they enter the dining room holding hands. To us it seems strange because there is absolutely no touching to be seen at an Amish wedding. Men and women don't sit together and even the bride and groom don't really touch each other at all during the ceremony and suddenly here are three couples walking past us hand in hand. To them, though it doesn't seem strange at all as it is their tradition. When it is something that you've seen all your life, it is the normal way of doing things.

 

About three minutes after the couples had gone upstairs, the guys came down alone and walked past us and went outside. Approximately ten minutes later the boys returned and went upstairs and collected their partners and walked past us once again holding hands. The Amish man beside me said they were going back out to the room where the tables were now set up and they would begin serving the meal out there. We were almost done with our dinner. Dessert was cookies, donuts, and pie. The pies that we were offered were chocolate and peanut butter. I was sort of expecting snitz pie but I did not see any. To say the least, we were well fed, the food was wonderful and the Amish were all pleasant and nice to us. We ended the meal with another silent prayer.

 

Afterward, we went outside and got a chance to talk with John for awhile and a few other Amish neighbors that Steve knew. John  shared that they were hoping to pull off a surprise for Linda a little later in the afternoon. She had taught school for several years and they thought it would be fun to bring all the children to the wedding and surprise Linda. They needed some drivers to go get the children from the school and bring them to the house and then take them back to school again. The children were preparing a song to sing to the newlyweds. Steve offered that we could help with transportation and so Megan went and picked up some of the children and then returned them again to the school afterward. She said they were practicing their song on the way and she enjoyed listening to them. Linda was so happy to see them and we were glad that we could help with this surprise.

 

We left the wedding early afternoon, but for most attendees the party was just beginning. There were people visiting all over the property and already an energetic volleyball game was in progress. The festivities would go on all day and guests wouldn't leave until late that evening. We heard buggies going past our house as late as 11:30 pm.

 

It was a good day and we were honored to attend this wedding. We appreciate our Amish neighbors and our thankful for the good relationship we have with them. Sure, some of their ways seem different or odd to us, but they are people just like us. We are glad that they wanted to share their special day with us.